Friday, May 27, 2011

For my birthday on June 10th, I'm asking my friends and family for a special gift: help me raise $250 for RAINN: Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network. It's a great cause that provides 24/7 help via the phone and IM to assault victims

I chose RAINN: Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network because I have used them myself and think it is a very good program that should continue

Please consider giving to my Birthday Wish, and together we can help the men and woman who desparetly need it. If you can't give now, I'd really appreciate if you'd share this page with your friends.

My Birthday Wish!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Thursday 13 - Worries About Grad School

Ok, so this is not the most encouraging or exciting list but I'm killing two birds with one stone here. As part of therapy homework I am supposed to make a list of the things that I'm worried/fearful about concerning grad school. I'm sure there are many more than 13. I'm moving from south Texas to Boston...that's a colossal fear in and of itself.

1. Money - of course that's the big one. Full cost of tuition and housing for one year at Simmons is 44,000. Stafford loans available to me? 20,500 (actually the max amount so it could be worse) I am hyperventilating.

2. Transportation - My car is old. Its the only car I've ever had and although it made it from NJ to South TX last year I do not think it will make it from South TX to MA this year. I'm thinking that the money to upkeep it plus insurance is not worth it if I'm living on campus in the middle of a city. Yet I hate to be without a car.

3. Job/Time - I'm going to have to have a job, perhaps even full time. How the heck am I going to manage that? Can I find a job that pays enough? How long will my unemployment last me before its crucial to find a job? If it's not within walking distance I have to add the cost of the subway or buses. I have to do an internship for the masters program...will I have enough time?

4. Mental Health - I have to start all over again with a new therapist. This will be number 5 in 3 years I think...I need to stop moving. And being all alone in a new place is never good for a sane person, let alone me. Lol I need to find a psychiatrist too...well there's probably one on the school health staff

5. Co-ed Bathrooms - Ok, sounds kind of trivial but I didn't live on campus for undergrad so I have no experience with communal bathrooms/showers to begin with lol. The fact that the grad school apartments have co-ed bathrooms kind of freaks me out. Are there urinals in co-ed bathrooms? Lol. I guess that doesnt really bother me, it's the thought of some guy jumping in my shower lol

6. Weather - I spent 22 years in NJ and only one in TX so I'm going with colder weather. However I really don't like the idea of having to walk in snow...

7. Summer/Vacation Housing - If I manage to get a job I will want to stay in Boston during the summer and breaks but I'm in campus housing...have to figure that one out.

8. Moving - If I'm not taking my car that means I'm going to have to be very picky about what I take since I'll have to fill suitcases a/o ship things. I don't really want to moved back down here so I don't like the thought of leaving all my books because either 1. I'll never get them back or 2. I'll feel compelled to take the easy route and move back down here

9. Future Housing - I'm doing on campus for now but once I know the area and can find someone to room with I'd rather have an apartment. Furniture? Ugh I got rid of it when I moved from NJ to TX since I moved in with my parents. I have to re-buy everything

10. Classes - I'm doing a dual degree. The history part I'm fine with. The MLS part...I really have no idea what to expect....

11. Technology - I'm getting a new phone for my birthday so that should be fine and I can live with the camera on a smart phone since I'm no longer really doing much photography. But my laptop situation worries me. Granted I'll be at a school with a computer lab but for those late night laptop that is currently working is about 6 years old and missing half its keys. It has no battery and has a short in its cord. I don't think its going to last much longer. I have a newer laptop but something fried in it a few months ago and I have yet to get it fixed and I don't want to spend the money really since the other one is fine for now.

12.Food - I hope the school has good vegetarian options...

13. Worth - Please let me get a job with these degrees!

Thursday Thirteen

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Stationary Pedestrian

Stationary Pedestrian
April 03, 2010

I lost myself on the way to lunch today
And did not find myself again
Until 16th and Latimer
In a little artist’s garden
Beside an 80 year old print shop
At first I did not see the hidden paradise
Across from a construction zone
Hidden behind brick walls
I only saw its guardian
A wide-eyed wild ass glaring at me
Daring me to think him absurd
Waiting to punish me for disrespect of his position
I laughed to myself at his expression
Prided myself in mine
Thought how superior I was
To be able to walk up and down the street
And beyond to Spruce
To Chestnut
To Market, to Market
And back again
I imagined his pained look
Came from staring at the same view
Day after day
Unable to turn his head
Unable to close his metal lids
While I – flesh and blood
Circulated and saw the whole of the city
While I – flesh and bone
Rode him into another state
While I – flesh and lust
Soft and supple
Moved freely and loved freely
Or did I?
Ruled by passion I loved
Dictated by location I traveled
Urged by curiosity I explored
The necessity to eat drove me out for food
The need for money pulled me
Back to work again
And he – this wild-eyed ass
Had commanded me to stop and ponder
Yet he had no obligations
Besides arresting my eyes
And the eyes of passerbys
For 94 years
I had seen the city
He had seen its history
And every person walking by
Had brought a little bit
Of themselves and the other streets
And while I had seen 40 streets
He had seen 94 years of 40 streets
And had allowed more
Than 40 times 94 flesh and blood humans
To sit and rest
Beneath his non-sleeping, all-seeing eye
In a garden paradise
Beside an 80 year old printshop
On 16th and Latimer
And who was I to think I was wiser
I said I found myself
I found my place in the world and time
I was on 16th and Latimer
On April 3, 2010